i guess i should probably update.. since everyone is so intrigued in my life..i just feel like i need encouragement. it would definitely help. i prayed today that maybe God would pull me out of this hole i seem to be stuck in. it kinda feels like im in quicksand.. like as much as i want to get out.. something seems to be pulling me in farther.. and i know in the back of my mind that i have to get out.. and that's when i start going crazy.. and you know what happens when you go crazy whilst in quicksand.. the more you try.. the more it sucks you in. but that's the difference and the error in this scenario. if i stopped relying on myself.. and started relying on God more.. maybe then would i be free of this trap. but then again maybe it does apply here because in quicksand, when you are still and call for help.. someone can come and pull you out. well i need Jesus to come pull me out. we need to cry out to Him, for He is the only one who can save us! He is awesome.. and sometimes i get to the point where i feel like since i am so low and unworthy.. why should i even try? i have so much guilt.. and it hurts more to think about the guilt then to put it in the back of your mind and pretend it's not there. sure you can pretend. anyone can. what good does that do you.. what good is this doing me!!!!!??? why is this so hard?! i never read the bible anymore. i only pray when i feel guilty for not praying. and what kind of relationship is that!? and then today i did the unthinkable! i actually asked God for a favor. WHY SHOULD GOD GRANT ME ANYTHING?! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE ANYTHING I ASK FOR?! well i am now realizing that i am being totally selfish. i have so many sinful ways that it's just completely SHAMEFUL!! i need to start living for Him again. i want to feel His presence beside me! and here His whisper... God help me...

Psalm 119:25-26  I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees.

v. 28  My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

v. 36  Turn my heart toward your statutes and not towards my selfish gain.

i quit..

Currently Listening Josh Gracin By Josh Gracin stay with me see related

i went shopping with rosa today.. and me not being the big shopper lover that most girls are... going the busiest shopping day of the year isnt something i like to do.. but you kno.. anyway me and my mom and sister went to see flightplan tonight.. it was pretty good.. kinda long.. but good... wore rosa's lettermen today hah yea i dont think i pulled off the "06" part of it but oh well.. i looked pretty darn hot...lol even though i think its like a size too big.. im gonna be bored tomorrow.. so ring me up..

Currently Listening Into the Rush By Aly & AJ collapsed see related

im at kristens right now.. stayed up until like 3:30 last night, helped k break off her "relationship"... blew off the party... i met kristens new interest.. baAAAsically my lifes pretty boring....and pretty soon im leavin for the 2nd mass/mck game!!

im not doin very good w/ the reading thing... i think if ashley were to ask me to answer 1-10 i would say like a 2.5... which is horrible... but im definitely going to remember to read more.. help me out!! luv yu guys!!

"im here because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible!"

-Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally

if you haven't yet, go back to my previous post and write something. ANYTHING!! please and thank you. luv you all!!